March 7, 2013 by Syd
When I imagined what my life would be like when I was 35 I would have told you many things. Being 35 I can tell you many of them got lost on the way.
-I never thought I would be on a job just paying my bills
-I never thought, that I would need to force my creative, beautiful, intelligent warm-hearted children to endure more stress than a regular adult has to endure. I would have never thought to be forced to send them somewhere where they get bullied, judged and measured by someone elses standard and sometimes be so desperate at night they feel they can’t put up with it any more. I would have never thought to be forced to send them sick to school just because some government agency decides how often your child is allowed to be sick. I would have never thought that I would feel helpless and disgusted as a parent to the way anyone else or someone else thinks my child will become a worthy citizen of whichever country.
– I would have never thought that all I want from my job is the next payslip.
-I would have never thought that living the life I want to, eating the food I want to would become a matter of how much of it I can afford.
And after all of that I would have never thought that I would not care. I do not care about politics in general anymore. I do not care about the well-being and ecological standard of the companies I work for as all I got from it was getting judged and told to step into line.
If my younger self would meet me today, and I am still a caring person, trying to do the best in my own private life it would feel repelled and disgusted. Disgusted about how it could happen that I lost so much interest.
I still dream. I dream about having enough money to live the life I want to. To have enough time for the things that matter most to me: My loved ones, my pets, my music and finally for myself to evolve. I don’t care about fancy cars or other things. All I want is a safe place and good people around me and enough time for all of it.
Getting the news from people who are as old as I am who suffer from the aftermaths of a heartattack, from diabetes, from burnouts and panic attacks and depression I do not think this is too much to ask. I do not want to live for a moment somewhere in the future. For the next vacation, weekend or retirement. I want to live now, in this moment.
And though I am thankful. Thankful for the wonderful island I am able to live on, thankful for my amazing family and friends I do not feel like I can fully embrace all that life could offer me and I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I do not have the power to do more at the end of the day and I know most people around me totally agree when I say it is about time we get back our lifes, our dreams, our children and our energy and health. And if any government on this planet would really care they would think about a way how to share all the enrichments, about how they really want children to grow up. With dreams, and hopes and love and not to be someone like me in the future finding out that they are just another wheel in a neverending cycle of duties of how to behave to work and to live.
I would want any parent on this planet to be able to spend enough time with their kids and not to feel so tired that they fall asleep while reading a bedtime story to them.
They would really care about the food and water they offer to our children. They would care about their health and sleep and well being. And if they would really really care they would want them to never stop dreaming.