March 17, 2014 by Syd
When I first met you the stars voted not in your favor
you were the ever selfconvinced artist, the wellorganised woman, the egotistical actor,
you were all I never wanted to be and still lacked to become.
And in my selfabsorbed mind you ceased to exist in the centre of my attention,
but then, when I started to question myself and in an uncanny moment of I will burn all my work, you were the ones calling me out of the blue, calling me out on my narcisstic behaviour and got me back on track.
We lost each other on the way and found each other in the strangest places again.
When I left what others called my home it was you sending me off with all your heartfelt prayers to find the embrace of another of you.
Cause you knew when she sends me off you have to welcome me so I could breathe.
It was you knowing that I needed the sound of the water, the ocean kissing the shore in a neverending lovestory,
the rain dancing on my rooftop to quiet my mind.
It was you who flew thousands of miles to listen to what the rain couldn’t heal.
It is you who sees the woman I have not yet become, the artist whose voice became so quiet and whos paintings still lack the melody of the thuddering rain.
you are organised, smart and beautiful, you are chaotic and dramatic and a creature of the night,
and inbetween your never colliding worlds I find comfort, comfort in your steadiness, your clutter, your wishing well.
You are the ones who understand the voice of the ever worried mother asking me to do better, behave better, care better, love better and still you don’t even have one of your own.
You are the ones asking the tired artist voice inside my head to not stop finding the right words to tell, not to burn everything I do down like an old house noone wants to live in anymore. And even if I do you are the ones reminding me of what matters the most.
I can call you wherever you are at the weirdest times of the day and still you pick up your phone and you hate that I am speaking so fast that you can’t even say “shut up!”and yet you notice the gap of a breath, the words I missed to say.
You’re sarcastic, cynical, sometimes too critical but you never lied to me. You are powerful and wonderful, beautiful wouldn’t even match what you are when your eyes become so wide that I can see your pain, your joy, your love.
And as I sit here, drinking too much coffee once again waiting for the rain, all I know is somewhere out there someone is dancing to the same rythm of the rain.